Have you ever noticed that other people's families are weird? The Accountant and I have, very smugly, done whatever the hell we wanted for Christmas, every year for 20 years. Skiing in the States? Yes thanks. White Christmas in Stockholm? Don't mind if we do. Fabulous Festive in London? OK then.
Well this Christmas Day there were about 40 of my own family gathered into one space - and it was pretty freaky. I tried to put myself in the position of the "outsiders", ie. the spouses of my cousins, to see how it would appear to them. And I must say that yes it would seem quite full-on to be part of the Smith family on Christmas Day. But not to be missed out on as it was the best fun ever.
Instead of explaining how it all went I have decided instead to give out some awards. This will make no sense to anyone apart from those who participated in the hotly contested Kris Kringle present extravaganza which took place. A Christmas gift-giving exercise designed to make one feel excited, euphoric, deeply disappointed and/or violent - but never bored. So those who didn't take part can sign off now - or keep reading my jolly Christmas rant.
And without further ado, the Awards go to:
Best Present: It has to go to the Scratchcards.
Worst Present: Sophie's very unfortunate crap present which included coasters in the shape of crinkle-cut crisps.
Best Comic Moment: Shaun! Love this guy - I need him in my hall cupboard, and can pull him out when in the depths of despair to cheer me up.
Loudest Child Scream: Jaide.
Naughtiest Children: The Lyons Boys.
Best Food: A toss between Auntie Deb's gravy and Auntie Bid's Lemon Slice. Yum.
Second Best Food: My famous Christmas Biscuits!
Best Christmas Activity: Watching the boys go from trampoline to slip n' slide.
Best Dressed: Sienna.
Most Organised with Baby Stuff: Hope (thanks!)
Best Special Effects: The thunderstorm which raged throughout the Kris Kringle celebrations.
Best Fake Santa: Russell
Best Idea: Me - going to Collingwood the day before to get those two extra cases of wine. We needed it.
Tuesday 27 December 2011
Saturday 24 December 2011
Christmas in Christowel
Happy Christmas friends and family all over the world! It is Christmas Eve in Australia. The champagne is flowing (a lovely bubbly I got from a Collingwood winery this morning - a little slice of Europe right there on the corner with vine leaves and pots of flowers with a very European looking apartment above. Three cases of an assortment of wine will get us through the festive season and beyond). As I type this The Accountant and Pom-Pom (Russell - Mother's husband) are setting up the trampoline in the garden.
Tomorrow I am serving bellinis in the garden by 8:30am. I think even Father Christmas is arriving at 8:00am to give out presents (Pom-Pom dressed appropriately). Croissants, fruit salad and my speciality - Nigella's spicy biscuits which I usually serve at our Oxford Christmas Party. Then a big roast lunch with lamb and chicken (fussy eaters). Out to the bigger family get-together in the late afternoon - just a small family gathering of about 40 guests.
Henry has got himself in such a state about Christmas that he is already in bed - over-tired and a tendency to be annoying to adults. A bit of a shame as he has made some Reindeer Dust which he was to sprinkle on the path up to the door to enable Santa Claus to find the entrance. The Dust is a combination of rolled oats and very camp glitter, and was made at school. These teachers certainly have sense of humour. Can you imagine the comments in the staffroom at lunchtime? "Yes Claire I even tricked my Preps into making Reindeer Dust. They fall for it every year......".
So the big Christmas present for the boys is a trampoline care of Grandparents No. 2 (no offence Father and Jo - it's only because you're not here right now - and I've had a few of the Broken Gate bubbly). The Accountant and Pom-Pom are putting it together right now in the garden (much male-bonding and beer drinking) and Rufus is happily, and naively helping sans older brother. At least Henry will have a lovely surprise when he wakes tomorrow morning.
Merry Christmas every last one of you.
Tomorrow I am serving bellinis in the garden by 8:30am. I think even Father Christmas is arriving at 8:00am to give out presents (Pom-Pom dressed appropriately). Croissants, fruit salad and my speciality - Nigella's spicy biscuits which I usually serve at our Oxford Christmas Party. Then a big roast lunch with lamb and chicken (fussy eaters). Out to the bigger family get-together in the late afternoon - just a small family gathering of about 40 guests.
Henry has got himself in such a state about Christmas that he is already in bed - over-tired and a tendency to be annoying to adults. A bit of a shame as he has made some Reindeer Dust which he was to sprinkle on the path up to the door to enable Santa Claus to find the entrance. The Dust is a combination of rolled oats and very camp glitter, and was made at school. These teachers certainly have sense of humour. Can you imagine the comments in the staffroom at lunchtime? "Yes Claire I even tricked my Preps into making Reindeer Dust. They fall for it every year......".
So the big Christmas present for the boys is a trampoline care of Grandparents No. 2 (no offence Father and Jo - it's only because you're not here right now - and I've had a few of the Broken Gate bubbly). The Accountant and Pom-Pom are putting it together right now in the garden (much male-bonding and beer drinking) and Rufus is happily, and naively helping sans older brother. At least Henry will have a lovely surprise when he wakes tomorrow morning.
Merry Christmas every last one of you.
Wednesday 21 December 2011
Schools Out For Summer
And Australian women around the country are getting ready for a long hot summer of toys strewn around the house, undies on the floor, tantrums, tempers, thirsty, hungry people following you around asking persistent and annoying questions - and then there's the children to take care of as well! We have lots to look forward to this Christmas. Family coming to stay in our lovely Camberwell home. Me doing a Nigella (Without the breasts. No hang on I am still breastfeeding...). Holidaying with cousins by the beach at Merimbula. Then up to the mountains, rivers and lakes of Bright.
How many adults does it take to get Henry off to school? Well about 4 of us this morning were literally chasing him around the house trying to get him in uniform, brushed teeth and bike helmet on. Had a late night with the Grandparents visiting for one night only, and very excited about Christmas and finishing school for holidays. Lord give me strength for the next six weeks. Already done this once before this year in England - and now the Aussie version.
How many adults does it take to get Henry off to school? Well about 4 of us this morning were literally chasing him around the house trying to get him in uniform, brushed teeth and bike helmet on. Had a late night with the Grandparents visiting for one night only, and very excited about Christmas and finishing school for holidays. Lord give me strength for the next six weeks. Already done this once before this year in England - and now the Aussie version.
Monday 19 December 2011
School Concert
Well last night I learnt that I could count my eyelashes by just using my vivid imagination. I also learnt that if you sit in row Z of a massive university auditorium - you really can't see a tiny six year old boy singing his heart out.
I turned to my neighbour (literally my neighbour as she lives two houses down from me) and said "This is only Prep. We've got another six years of this." Certainly gave her something to think about.
I turned to my neighbour (literally my neighbour as she lives two houses down from me) and said "This is only Prep. We've got another six years of this." Certainly gave her something to think about.
Wednesday 14 December 2011
Handmade Christmas Cards
The other night I was chuckling away whilst The Accountant was watching TV. No hang on, I wasn't just chuckling I was pissing myself, laughing out loud for quite a while. "What are you laughing at?" "I'm making homemade Christmas cards that are so terrible. Everyone is going to think Henry and Rufus helped me."
It was just so sad seeing these disastrous creations come to life. In my head they were the most cool, handmade designs the Christmas card world has ever seen. I had cut outs, stickers, ribbon. It all amounted to nothing. So if you are the unlucky receiver of such a card - I apologise in advance. And I can't even blame Henry and Rufus as they were in bed asleep. Damn those kids, never up when you need an excuse. Will give some of you bah-humbugs a good laugh anyway.
Two funny things I saw the other night whilst walking to my yoga class. 1. Some huge reindeer antlers. ON A CAR. I never want to see such a thing again in my life. 2. A sign which said "Victorian Cheerleaders Club". Hilarious. I wanted to go immediately. "Give me an F! Give me a U! Give me a C!...".
It was just so sad seeing these disastrous creations come to life. In my head they were the most cool, handmade designs the Christmas card world has ever seen. I had cut outs, stickers, ribbon. It all amounted to nothing. So if you are the unlucky receiver of such a card - I apologise in advance. And I can't even blame Henry and Rufus as they were in bed asleep. Damn those kids, never up when you need an excuse. Will give some of you bah-humbugs a good laugh anyway.
Two funny things I saw the other night whilst walking to my yoga class. 1. Some huge reindeer antlers. ON A CAR. I never want to see such a thing again in my life. 2. A sign which said "Victorian Cheerleaders Club". Hilarious. I wanted to go immediately. "Give me an F! Give me a U! Give me a C!...".
Sunday 11 December 2011
Ho Ho Hot
No blogs for ages my fellow bloggers - and then two in one day! Henry and Rufus are rather confused about the weather. They want to know when it is going to cool down so much it snows. Henry cannot get his head around the fact that it is only two weeks until Christmas, and yet the weather seems to be doing the opposite to normal.
I started explaining about living in the Southern Hemisphere, and it led me to reminisce about our yearly Christmas party. Last year was the most seasonal fun as only those who could walk, drive a 4x4 or hitch a lift with a confident driver were able to attend the party due to the snow. We lined our hallway with bathmats and towels as everyone entered in their black tie refinery, took off their wellys and replaced them with evening shoes.
We didn't even need to decorate with lights too much as the snow made everything look festive in the garden, and the log fire was kept burning all night. Here there is fake snow in the windows of the shops, and people tend not to get proper Christmas trees in case they go brown in the heat. We did get a Christmas tree on the weekend though, as Melbourne weather is very up and down, and looks great in our front room (the Good Room Australians call it - very Kath and Kim).
It will be nice on Christmas Day, to be having a glass of something cold and bubbly, outside on the verandah, with flowers and butterflies in the garden, whilst wearing a summer maxidress. And no mittens in sight.
I started explaining about living in the Southern Hemisphere, and it led me to reminisce about our yearly Christmas party. Last year was the most seasonal fun as only those who could walk, drive a 4x4 or hitch a lift with a confident driver were able to attend the party due to the snow. We lined our hallway with bathmats and towels as everyone entered in their black tie refinery, took off their wellys and replaced them with evening shoes.
We didn't even need to decorate with lights too much as the snow made everything look festive in the garden, and the log fire was kept burning all night. Here there is fake snow in the windows of the shops, and people tend not to get proper Christmas trees in case they go brown in the heat. We did get a Christmas tree on the weekend though, as Melbourne weather is very up and down, and looks great in our front room (the Good Room Australians call it - very Kath and Kim).
It will be nice on Christmas Day, to be having a glass of something cold and bubbly, outside on the verandah, with flowers and butterflies in the garden, whilst wearing a summer maxidress. And no mittens in sight.
Hippy Dance Thing
I keep receiving emails from Claire Thompson, Dance Officer for Oxford, which keep me updated on dance events in and around Oxford. I have specifically not asked to be taken off the mailing list as it is nice to see what is going on and even if I am not applying or participating, I still have a little Oxford dance in my heart (altogether now - Ahhhhhh).
Last week I was sent one such dance email regarding an event in Oxford called "Body Cycles, Earth Cycles". Imagine the hilarity in our house should I shout out to The Accountant "Right love I'm off to my Body Cycles, Earth Cycles workshop now. Don't wait up." As if The Accountant needs any more ammuninition when it comes to the left-leaning contemporary dance events in the UK (or anywhere for that matter). He already thinks my Saturday morning class was filled with women rolling around on a dirty floor (thanks for that East Oxford Community Centre, there are still some bits behind my ears I'll never get clean) talking about our periods. Why can't these people call their workshops something sensible? Body cycles + 95% women participation + contemporary dance + local community centre = lots of jokes about bodily functions.
Last week I was sent one such dance email regarding an event in Oxford called "Body Cycles, Earth Cycles". Imagine the hilarity in our house should I shout out to The Accountant "Right love I'm off to my Body Cycles, Earth Cycles workshop now. Don't wait up." As if The Accountant needs any more ammuninition when it comes to the left-leaning contemporary dance events in the UK (or anywhere for that matter). He already thinks my Saturday morning class was filled with women rolling around on a dirty floor (thanks for that East Oxford Community Centre, there are still some bits behind my ears I'll never get clean) talking about our periods. Why can't these people call their workshops something sensible? Body cycles + 95% women participation + contemporary dance + local community centre = lots of jokes about bodily functions.
Thursday 1 December 2011
Husband on Ebay
How much do you think I could auction off The Accountant for? Incoming:the globe-trotting husband (who has done nothing but lie down and read, lie down and eat lie down and sleep since returning). Outgoing: lovely Mother-in-Law, great conversation over wine, patience of an angel with the children, cooks like Nigella and made our house spic and span without moaning at all.
Last night I tried to get The Accountant to sort out his travelling washing and take out some rubbish. "Do you know what I've had to do today?" he said with a grin "I've had to lie down in business class and watch two movies and have a sleep." This is all completely true.
This morning I was up with the birds and the baby, hustling and bustling to ready lunches, breakfasts, school stuff, kindergarten stuff. All the time yelling out to the three sleeping boys in the house "Get up now! You are all going to be late!" I then realised that the only two people who didn't have to be up getting ready - was Jonty and I! What the hell am I doing? Any sane person (who wasn't a woman probably) would be languishing in bed. No job, no dance, no dance classes - and yet I'm the one up and dressed and ready by 8:15am? What for? All the ladies put your hands up in the air.....
So anyone want these muppets for a tenner? That's pounds not dollars - I'm no fool.
Last night I tried to get The Accountant to sort out his travelling washing and take out some rubbish. "Do you know what I've had to do today?" he said with a grin "I've had to lie down in business class and watch two movies and have a sleep." This is all completely true.
This morning I was up with the birds and the baby, hustling and bustling to ready lunches, breakfasts, school stuff, kindergarten stuff. All the time yelling out to the three sleeping boys in the house "Get up now! You are all going to be late!" I then realised that the only two people who didn't have to be up getting ready - was Jonty and I! What the hell am I doing? Any sane person (who wasn't a woman probably) would be languishing in bed. No job, no dance, no dance classes - and yet I'm the one up and dressed and ready by 8:15am? What for? All the ladies put your hands up in the air.....
So anyone want these muppets for a tenner? That's pounds not dollars - I'm no fool.
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